What To Do When You Feel Shame?
We are humans.
And, by nature, humans are not perfect.
Humans make mistakes.
We do things that we wish we didn’t.
This goes for every human. No exceptions.
We get stuck in certain patterns of being and doing that we can’t seem to find the way out of.
Like with our drinking.
We can feel helpless.
And powerless once we start drinking.
We feel shameful about not being able to stop and about who we are.
We compare ourselves to others who seem to have no problem with stopping.
Our shame makes us feel like we are bad humans.
It makes us feel diminished and unworthy.
Hanging on to the shame does not allow us to embrace our humanness and make the necessary changes to move forward.
Shame leads to more of the same.
A continued pattern of drinking.
How do we break the shame?
With acceptance of it and with self compassion.
We can choose to accept that we are a human that has learned and practiced over-drinking.
And we can bring in self compassion for our trained behavior.
Embracing self compassion moves us into a place of peace.
We make peace with what is.
Full acceptance and self compassion open us up to move into taking action.
Making a change that enhances the new script of our brain.
Your journey to cutting back may need to start with a hefty dose of self compassion.
In love and health,
Sherry Price, PharmD, MBA, BCPS, APh
As an accomplished pharmacist, business owner, wife and mother, I used wine as the way to relax at night and to cope with the day’s stress. When drinking that first glass of wine, I immediately felt relief and began to relax. My anxiety level came down. And the day seemed better.
But, I started to desire more wine to achieve the same effect.
One glass became 2……then 3……then more…..on most days. And then daily.
The mornings became unpleasant and my sleep was not restful. I gained weight and made poor food choices when I drank. I tried to cut back over and over; only to white knuckle it for a few days until I gave in and started right back up again. I still desired it. It seemed impossible to cut back. My willpower didn’t last. And I craved the relief and pleasure the wine brought.
All of the programs I knew about focused on an all-or-nothing approach. Abstinence programs. Treatment centers. Meetings. Declaring a problem. Sponsors. That wasn’t for me.
I didn’t want to stop drinking. I just wanted to be a normal drinker. And to not think about drinking so darn much.
I needed a solution. With my pharmacy training, I understood the biology and how the brain works, the neurotransmitters involved, and how the wiring of the brain occurs. I desperately wanted to figure this out. Through my life coach training and additional courses, I have created tools where I blend the science and the behavioral application to cut back on drinking permanently.